For a long time I have rejected my desire.

Fearing its potency. Not feeling safe to receive or express it. Feeling shame around voicing or sharing my desire. Scared of rejection. Humiliation. Harbouring a lot of mistrust towards it.

Which has lead to a pretty dysfunctional relationship with it over the years. As well as closing me off from receiving the kind of desire I actually, DESIRE.

Recently I have been exploring a healthier relationship with it.

I’ve come to notice that an initial spark or attraction with someone, might have a completely different end point than what I imagined.

Initially I may experience a strong magnetic pull towards someone or a situation. In the past I would often become attached to the expectation of how that desire needs/should play out.

Judging it because I am experiencing it with someone or a situation that mentally I have decided isn’t “right’’. OR I attach and project a fantasy reality onto it. Becoming entirely delusional and disconnected from the reality of what is.

In both situations I am missing out on the gifts and lessons that the desire is here to teach.

By rejecting a desire or over identifying with it, I am getting stuck in a mental masturbation and not seeing the person or situation as it really is.

When we remove the goal or idea that desire leads to sex. Or desire leads to relationship. Instead opening to desire being a teacher, a lesson, a growth point. A new doorway is opened.

The body doesn’t lie. When we let go of our mental stories and trust the infinite wisdom of our bodies, we can receive the gifts of what this person or situation is here to teach us.

Sometimes that desire has lead to a sexual experience. Other times it has lead to asserting my boundaries, or expressing my needs. Sharing in a deep heart connection. Birthing a new friendship or needed conversation. Giving me what I NEED rather than what I WANT.

As I’ve started voicing and engaging with my desire more, I am becoming more grounded in reality.

By sharing whats true for you with another, you create an opening for that desire to go somewhere. Or not. Finding out what the other person is feeling, which creates a SHARED reality.

It can be a new muscle to flex. It might be awkward or uncomfortable to begin with. The more you explore sharing your truth, the easier and more graceful it becomes.

Its important to develop a healthy relationship with your desire. Problems arise when we judge, bottle and suppress them. It can play out as cheating, lying, addiction to porn or shutting down our sexual energy entirely.

A HEALTHY expression of desire requires a certain level of receptivity. Especially when involving another person. Its a dance of two energies. Feeling into the other person and being sensitive to where they are at. Otherwise it is wholly one sided and can step into violation territory.

Desires are a beautiful, healthy GIFT. When we are clear and clean with them.

Words by our facilitator Rebeckah Howson.

If you want to learn how to unblock your desire pipes join one of our courses.


Dancing Eros Self Journey’s (Level 1) are the perfect way to connect to your internal truth and desires. Allowing them to arise from your body vs your mind. You might be quite surprised with what you find…

See the upcoming courses here.

Feel into your body and see if there are threads of desire pulling you towards people or places today. We invite you to see what gifts you may find…

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