WHY PUSHING AND RUSHING CAN BE A SUBTLE WAY TO DISASSOCIATE
Have you ever done something, then later realised you crossed your own boundaries?
Afterwards it seemed so obvious that you went to far, all the feelings that tell you you are approaching an edge were there…but you didn’t notice them.
When you push yourself, you leave yourself (aka disassociate). You subtly disconnect from your body so you don’t feel the discomfort or resistance.
It’s traumatising to force yourself through resistance, that isn’t real healing or a sustainable way to grow. Yeah you might learn some lessons from it, but it probably isn’t going to fully resolve it.
To grow healthily and in a way that takes care of yourself, feeling safe and trusting is key. Does feeling forced ever make you feel safe?
A few ways you can stay with yourself are:
❤ Notice when you feel yourself start to push.
This might feel like tension or stress in your body, shallow breathing or anxiety. When you see yourself doing this, pause, bring your attention back into your body and notice what sensations you feel without judgement, inhale soft and let your body melt. Bring your presence back to what’s happening now. Tell yourself that you have plenty of time to do what you need to and it’s going to be okay.
❤ Slow down.
As Shaney Marie recently said “Do you have a life half lived because you buy into the illusion that the more fast paced you are…the more life you experience?”
If you want to feel more fulfilled, slow down and actually feel your self, body and life. Disassociation isn’t going to leave you feeling full, juicy and alive.
❤ Be kind to yourself and attend to your needs.
Use self parenting to care for you. Read our blog on how to do that here.
You can honour your edges and grow. There is a handy map we like to use at Dancing Eros called The Comfort/Growth/Trauma Zones (which is adapted from The Learning Zone Model).
We probably all know what comfort zone means, it’s where we feel safe.
Growth comes from going outside our comfort zone and towards what feels uncomfortable. We call going outside of this our growth zone. It’s basically about doing the opposite of what’s familiar to you, it’s doing the things that feel awkward or edgy.
…like coming to a Dancing Eros course 😉
To explore your growth zone, lovingly nuzzle up to your edges. Do the unfamiliar things, and if you notice you start to feel tense or anxious, ease back a little and play with that edge gently.
If you push yourself to hard and fast out of your comfort zone to grow, you might go to far and end up in the trauma zone. Please don’t ram yourself through resistance. Allow yourself to soften into it and it will unfold organically. If you feel tense this is a sign you are pushing yourself and it will probably take you out of the growth zone and into the trauma zone.
Collectively the Dancing Eros facilitators, team and women in our community have been journeying the power in subtlety and slowing down. It has been so incredible that we even changed our courses.
There is now a Dancing Eros Self (Level 1) where you can deeply explore your self connection and and the potency in being with yourself without the need for external validation. Less is more and you will learn how to feel more by doing less.
Dancing Eros Intimacy (Level 2) is essentially our original course and is about being witnessed in your expression and connecting with another.
Next year sometime, we will also be introducing Dancing Eros Initiation (Level 3)…
If you would like to know more about why we’ve made these changes and how they work, check out this blog post and watch the video linked in it.
To claim your space in one of our upcoming Melbourne, Sydney, Perth or Auckland (NZ) courses go here.